How To Come Back From A Severe Roommate Fight

By Danielle Wirsansky on September 20, 2016

It has happened. You have gone ahead and done it. Or maybe they have. Maybe both of you did it and are both to blame.

You and your roommate got into a fight, and not just any fight, but a big, huge, gargantuan fight the likes of which has never been seen or experienced before. Your fight was out of this world but now as you are out in space orbiting the earth you have got to figure out: how do I get back to Earth?

It is pretty difficult to change roommates whether you live in a dorm or off campus so you need to find a way to recover and come back from this fight. You live together and living in a toxic environment where you are both mad and upset at or with each other is beneficial to no one.

Read on to learn some tips on how to come back from a severe roommate fight.

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Take a breath and a break.

There is that saying, “Don’t go to bed angry.” But sometimes you just need a breather before you can face someone you just fought with. It is not recommended that you take a really long breather and instead let the anger, frustration, and hurt fester. Just give yourself the time you need to calm down, think straight, and speak clearly.

If you need to leave the room or the space then do it. If you can go somewhere to be alone, that might be best regardless of if it is just your room or to a local coffee shop. Make the space you need where you can be with yourself and sort out what just happened and how you need to react. Go to sleep if you need to. Do what you need to do in order to recover.

Meet on neutral ground.

Okay, you have taken your breather and your break and you are ready to face your roommate. But remember that you do not want to face off with your roommate and duke it out. So if you feel that being in private will make your argument worse and not allow you to resolve your issues, meet on neutral ground.

Being in a public space can be very grounding and calming. If you choose a place where other people are talking or an outdoor public space then no one will be eavesdropping and it will also prevent you from raising your voice or acting foolishly and embarrassingly in the moment. It helps you to keep your (or your roommate’s) behavior in check. And it is better not to have reminders around you of whatever triggered your fight anyways.

Write down your points.

Sometimes you can get flustered when talking about something important. Or you can forget different items on your list if you have many things to address. It is important when talking to your roommate and trying to resolve your issues that you get them all out. Pop that blister and let everything ooze out because only then will you be able to heal.

You cannot accept your roommate’s apology nor have your own apology accepted only to realize a few hours later that there is still a problem. There is no good way to go back. You can potentially make a situation worse by doing that. Make sure that you are clearing up every issue that you have at once without holding anything back by writing out your points ahead of time. Then, you can just check your list and make sure nothing was overlooked.

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Don’t say what you can’t take back.

Things can get heated even when you are trying to resolve your fight. But you have got to try and keep as cool a head as possible so that you do not say what you can’t take back. You will still have to live with this person for some indeterminable amounts of time so do not push the situation further into something that cannot be resolved.

It might be too late to take back what you already said during your epic fight but you can apologize. And you can stop the situation from getting worse by holding your tongue and saying unforgivable things that put a toe over the line. Would you be able to forgive someone that said the same words to you? Do you understand how those words will impact your roommate? Try and calm the waters instead of rocking the boat.

Compromise.

When all else fails, remember that both of you are human and that both of you are at fault. No one is completely innocent in this situation. So listen to your roommate, say your piece, get it all out and then work towards fixing it. Find a compromise you can both live with and move on.

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